My First Mission

Operation Confidence: Charting a New Course

It was time to begin my mission: rescue self-confidence. She’d been missing for a while, leaving me adrift in uncharted waters.

I(i) entered a room full of people and managed to happily isolate myself again. My isolation felt like being marooned on an island, disconnected from the crew around me. I scrolled through Instagram trying to distract myself from the pain of failure. The isolation wasn’t just physical, it was in my chest, tightening with every scroll.

This time it was different. I was determined. i was going to find her!

…Vishiii98 posted a reel again. Thank God! Humour is my favourite distraction. 

It was a black cat. I watched that reel twice. The first time was for the cat, the second was because I thought he was hilarious. His comedic timing was on point, but there was something in the way he delivered those lines - sharp and unapologetic - it made me pause, what was the secret behind his confidence?

What I admire about Vishi’s content is his courage to speak truth through humour.

His boldness challenges the status quo, whether it’s holding politicians accountable or advocating for wildlife conservation. When he roasted some of the presidential candidates this year, I couldn’t help but think, 

“Who is this guy? And who does he think he is? He seems way too confident.”

I clicked on his profile and decided to take a closer look. 

On the surface, Vishi says he does this to make people smile. While I believe that’s true, i think there’s something deeper. When Vishi isn’t posting a comedic sketch, his stories give, as Gen Z would put it, ‘positive vibes’ and, dare I say, some of it is motivational.

I(i) took a leap of faith and decided to message the dubbed ‘TikTok Sensation’, a man confident enough to face millions of people. He must know the way.

I hesitated before hitting send. My finger hovered over the button —fear, like an anchor, weighing me down.

What if he didn’t respond? Worse, what if he did? But then again, what did I have to lose?

To my surprise, he replied with three words that felt like a lifeline tossed into a stormy sea.

“Let’s do it.”

Meeting Captain Vishi
The day came for me to meet him. Dressed for battle, i set out to face the captain of confidence himself. I put my make-up on, and made a quick prayer to a god I wasn’t sure i believed in anymore. 

I was ready. i was going to find her!

He was late. That was expected. He is “a proud Sri Lankan” after all. 

We didn’t waste much time with small talk. I gave him a quick recap of how i got here. He listened patiently. When he began to speak, i could tell he understood the mission, and so, he began to unravel. 

“Growing up, I used humour to navigate through life. It became my armour, a way to hide the more vulnerable parts of myself.” 

something you hear many comedians say. But behind the jokes is a humble man, attempting to break down social barriers, while leaving a positive impact on the world. 

For much of his life, Vishi was an introvert, only stepping out of his shell after moving to Australia at 18. It was his first time on his own, in a new country, and the isolation forced him to confront a choice: stay within his comfort zone or grow beyond it, a challenge I’ve had to face myself.

With the help of his cousin, he chose the latter. He made the conscious decision to find his confidence. 

The Confidence Compass
I asked him for the roadmap that led him there. i was desperate after all. 

His secret cheat code? Fake it.

I’d heard that cliché before, but coming from him, it felt different. Maybe it was because he wasn’t just saying it, he was living it.

Despite his success and active online presence, he is still an introvert faking confidence. Vishi works on his confidence, as diligently as a man constructing his dream home. That was an interesting revelation. i felt a flicker of hope ignite. Could I really fake it too?

That was both comforting and disheartening to know. My friends can speak for me, I(i) am a ‘Bad Liar’, just like the song by Imagine Dragons.

I asked if there were moments when internet trolls got the best of him, if he was ever close to losing his confidence. What struck me most was the honesty and vulnerability. Vishi admitted that, at first, he was fixated on creating content that would please the masses. He even confessed that it made him question his self-worth. What was once his armour, now felt like a double edged sword.

That must have been difficult. Looks like It’s been a long journey for him too. 

So, he decided to take a stand. Thats when his transformation began. He asked himself a simple but profound question. If it made him laugh, was true, and didn’t harm anyone, why did it matter what people thought?

It doesn’t!

Despite his nonchalance about public opinion, he said he deeply values the thoughts of his family and close friends. He spoke fondly of his tight-knit circle, but he lit up when he spoke of his grandmother, who occasionally, makes a rare appearance. She is his safe haven, the person he still, to this day, confides in. When he reminisced about his past, at one point, he paused, leaned back on his chair and said,

“Damn, you’re making me miss my grandmother.” 

That was the only time I saw him get emotional. Which made me emotional, and miss my Achchi! 

*Damn it Vishi, what was that about?

I couldn’t read if the moment was right, but we were running out of time and I still had not asked him what his anchor was made of. i had to know.

“How do you navigate the bad days and still find the courage to create uplifting content?” 

With a smile on his face, he shrugged his shoulder and said,

“Living in the moment, without any expectations.”

While I thought he was spitting out one cliché after another, he attempted to simplify it for me further.

He reflected on his journey and explained that he realised he had no choice but to focus on the present and to accept that he couldn’t predict the events that could affect his future.

“There is no need for expectations” 

he said, as if it were a matter of fact.

He opened up about the struggles he battles in private, but said he can’t ignore the microphone echoing with a few whispers that was also coming from the masses. Strangers confide in him, saying a particular comedic sketch was the distraction they needed to shift their mood. Little did he know, I too am a stranger he had helped.

*Sorry for bursting your bubble Vishi, by my definition, you are an influencer. The kind i value.

It was clear to me that his path is one of purpose, and his purpose is far greater than his fears.

Our conversation had to come to an end. Although it was short, Vishi had offered me a token of Hope to add to my dying collection. And within it, I inscribed the following instructions:

“The compass to chart my course:

    1. Confidence is a ship you build daily, plank by plank, for yourself.

    2. Self-acceptance is your anchor. Without it, you drift.  

    3. Authenticity and kindness is your guiding star. Follow it to uncharted waters.

    4. Keep your crew close—their voices matter. Leave the noise of the rest at the shore.

    5. Purpose is the wind in your sails, pushing you beyond fear.”

25th September, 2024
It’s been eleven days since my meeting with Vishi. i haven’t rescued self-confidence yet, but I(i) am piecing the ship together..

…There’s a Zoom notification. It’s Sam.

“Does anyone want to grab a hot beverage?”

I usually am a silent observer on there. I didn’t engage this time either. But I decided to join my colleagues in the kitchen. It wasn’t the hot beverage i was after, it was to find the confidence to speak.

As I stepped into the kitchen, i could hear Vishi’s words in my head.

Fake it.

So I took a deep breath, ignored my speeding heart, and faked it. 

As I stood there with my tea, in the middle of my fear, i felt her silent presence. She wasn’t fully back yet, but she was there. Silent. Fierce. Kind.

17th November, 2024
8:00 am - i(I) finally posted about my blog on Instagram. 

Now that it’s done, it doesn’t really scare me. I can be an overthinking introvert sometimes. i am proud of myself for executing. It’s a good first step.

How am I going to celebrate? 

I want a Sri Lankan breakfast. i don’t want to cook and of course everything is closed. 

Greggs is open!

Thank you Greggs. A sausage roll and donut it is. 

It’s not a full English breakfast but, it is very British and I(i) am still in the UK. It is not only perfect, it is the best feeling.

i(I) am living in the moment.

The introvert in me faked confidence every single day leading up to this moment, it led her to put her art out there without expectation and she did it with as much authenticity and kindness as she could possibly muster. her purpose is greater than her fears. 

i rescued self confidence. she is back aboard!

Bold. Fierce. Kind

*Thank you Vishi, for your honesty, it gave me hope. I’ll see you on the other side Captain, if i make it.🫡

Until next time,
Minoli Christeen

P.S. I was too full after the coffee and sausage roll, but i still took a bite of the donut. Dessert is for celebrating! That is vital information folks, it needed to be said.

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